What happens when your partner doesn't see the value in you and continuously hurts you by searching for something in others knowing it hurts you?

What happens?

In one scenario, I stay with this partner, wonder why he doesn’t love me, and begin living in a world of my creation where I believe that, unfortunately, I am not worth loving.

I would work hard at only being interested in people who are equally interested in me.

At what point does trespassing become self defense? What are the necessary conditions for this line to be crossed from trespassing to self defense?

I would leave this partner to grant him full freedom to go find whatever he is looking for and spend the time and energy that I put into that relationship getting to know myself. What I would find is someone flawed and worthy of love.

I would realize that it’s not my partner who is hurting me. I am hurting myself, by agreeing to stay with someone who is looking for something he is not finding in me.

If my “partner” didn’t see value in me and hurt me searching for something in others, I would remind myself that I cannot change people, “make them see” or “make them love me”.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

I believe this non-love is the best I can do and spend all my time and energy attempting to preserve the very thing that causes me pain.

I would ask myself why I consider it worth my time to be with someone who does not find me valuable. Identifying this answer will over time protect me from finding myself in this same predicament over and over.

There is another scenario:

Former MLB Star Suffers Serious Injury in Savannah Bananas Game - Sports Illustrated

“Making someone love me” is the most painful, most fruitless of efforts, because love cannot be manufactured in this way.